Enigmatic Soul reveals all and nothing

Nothing

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 16:18:08 +0100

I'm usually good with words but when I try and explain how I'm feeling to people, they just don't get it. I'm on holiday and can't seem to leave the house even though I really want to. How bad is that!

Comments

I have no readers

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 23:30:18 +0100

I would like to take this moment and proclaim the world to be a bunch of pissy assed bull shitters!

This proclamation has occurred for many reasons, none of which will make sense to anyone outside of the 7 walls of my head!

Annoyances

People who insist on telling you how awesome you are yet only show themselves as knowing bugger all as if they did know you, they'd know, that you don't damn well like being called awesome for no apparent reason other than making the caller of the awesome tagging feel better about themselves as they believe the callee feels better for the aforementioned awesome labelling

Lets discuss cute as a compliment, actually no, I will talk AT you. A person of the female form is inclined to call me cute, a word that is looked down upon in the male circle of manlyness, apparently! It's a compliment they say, they being the women folk. Yet will you lust after the cute one, will you choose him over the hot bodied one, oh no no no, so do women love the cuteness? Perhaps, but you're nothing against hot and struggling against rich! HA!

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SONG Ha!

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:57:00 +0100

I like the way that you move
I like the way that you grooove

I like the way that you dress
And the way you caress

I like the way you get dirty
When you started all flirty

I like what you wear
And I like what you don't

I like what you saaaaay
And the way that we play

I like the way that you giggle
With that little wiggle =P

But most of allll
I like the way you're you

Do do do do doooo

Comments

Feel the force of my iron pinky!!

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:56:20 +0100

I kill you with my stick of stickyness!

Fire! Fire! Panic at the Taco Bell

Discuss the discus

He's horny, he's thorny, he chased a ferret through the brambles.....

You reply to this blog, I give you some fog

DELETE

I'm not omnipotent, I just stalk you, THAT's how I know everything

I feel creative, creative doesn't like it

WHERE ARE MY CRAYONS!?! I need them to make pretties

I no smile, I just poo

I wanna flip reverse ya, mo fo'ing traverse ya

The blind man no see it, but he feel it real good, blind is the new leud

BIG ISSUE - I has no home

You read this? You pay me my money

I come for rent tomorrow, you in?

Chinese checkers soooo much better than yours you white man wide eye

Shmooze is the new letch

I don't want my nuts salted, but dip em in gravy and i'm all gooooood

07...........

I love cheese, like the 80's?

nom nom nom tasty

What you talkin bout Willis!?!

In my head this was funny, you're not there, so it ain't

HUZZAH!

Comments

I sniff socks cos I can

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:55:37 +0100

Then sometimes you just want to say stop a second will you this isn't how it was supposed to be i was supposed to be all cool and happy and you would come along and complete me instead there you are all the way over in funsville while i stroll down a neverending solidarity street only veering off to my house on lonelyness lane yet what can be done about it when the mind is unwilling to let you go from an invisible prison that no one no matter how much they try can break into and understand so instead you just carry on like nothing is really wrong and everyone else plays along to the happy go lucky tune that you created with your one man band because you feel that if you lay it all out or take that extra move that they'll turn around and say no thanks that is damn too much for me i'm so glad i'm here and just going to carry on like it never even went that way you know what i mean

HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Craig doesn't use punctuation because he is way too wacky for that conforming crap!

This blog is what it is, but what is it? I don't know and YOU SIR certainly don't! So leave it be and catch the last train home!

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Words from november 1st

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:54:51 +0100

You ever had one of those days where you just look at yourself in the mirror and just think fuck it, I look damn hot today!?! ..... na me neither!

When I'm really random, I just speak to myself for hours and basically I think it's really funny shit but I get to wanting to do something to post to attract a posse of friendage to my internet aura and it just falls flat on its face. It's like Wile E Coyote vs Road Runner. I play the part of coyote, doomed to fail on a large scale.

Not that I'm doom mongering today, I'm just laying it on the line like a realistic racoon.

But it's like this, even what I write right now, I know it won't come across as I damn well want it. It won't convey my inner most thoughts and sum up my feelings at the time. Would you like some cheese with that whine you little whiney piss stain!?!

OOooooh yeah thats rights i'm bad mouthing myself whilst getting increasingly frustrated that my fingers can't find the correct keys ahmagad!

I need a patch to weeeeeen myself off t'internet, you know what I'm saying!?! Probably not..... I say its a "patch" aka a life my friends, I say "friends" I mean aka people who "like" me but have never met me and indured my life sucking qualities of doom! And yes I realise that made no sense but who cares, oooh thats right I DO!

Like sometimes I ban myself from social networks like its achieving something. Yep yep boi I ain't signing into msn tonight! That'll fucking show em, they going to be pineing for my super fun time get up! If I hide, they'll come looking....right? right?

If I spend an hour away from here, someone is BOUND to message me yeah? SO I MUST go check it out, I don't want to leave no one hanging now do I!?!

If I post a blog or a video, it has GOT to entertain, if it don't, what is my purpose? Who am I if I haven't got the entertainment value? It's not like you're going to come to me and be like yo craig, you being a man of the world and all that, hit me up with some advice. And perhps you could stop typing like you some black dude from the ghetto brudder!

But life is stoopid you know. I haven't left the house again this holiday and there's no way you can put a spin on that which doesn't show me to be pretty sad and pretrude loser like tendancies now.

I am actually going out next friday to see my very first band live! That is momentous yet sad all in one go. Already I'm thinking shit I'm going to miss some quality TV time! I may literally shit myself at any point between now and then. Who you going with then? My sister surprise surprise. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't go anywhere, it's pathetic really. Without her I wouldn't have ever had a girlfriend, oooh thats honest isn't it. You so know that this is going to embarrass me at some point. If you do read this Stacey, we ain't ever going to mention it alreet!

Leads me onto an issue though about aforementioned gf! Do you believe in fate? Because I have few friends and small existing social life, that girl, still infiltrates my fucked up mind way too much to be healthy. So anyways on facebook my sister got me to add someone who she lived with before and who we went on holiday with which is all good and that. But I went to her page and what do I read right underneath the post "you are now friends with Craig" oooh how wonderful "you are now friends with Craig's ex" really didn't need that cos it shows I probably haven't moved on at all in life or as a person, which is hugely scary for me as it confirms I haven't actually grown and got over it. My over analyzing mind has a field day with that scenario! IT shouldn't affect me, i'm sure she is not bothered, this is way too honest a blog isn't it! HAHA

How do you like me now!! =P

I'm using a big font so hell knows how long this actually is. Did you have a spare HOUR!

It's cold! And you know it's cold when I'm cold, saying that I don't have a jumper on at the mo, I'm freakin HARDCORE biatch.

So today, I'm watching TV like my life depends on it. I've got darts, F1, football *cough* wrestling *cough* it's funny and entertaining alright!! AND I watch X Factor, what you going to do about it!! Cos you know you do too and the women are pretty on there so I don't even need the sound ok! Don't make me come over there and justify myself!!!!!

Then I have to watch Merlin on iplayer. That show rocks I have to say, not sure why but I just like it. I like lots of things WOO I just never know why, like I like Torchwood but can't stand Dr Who! How strange is that

Well that's it as the darts has started, what a rollercoaster day this will be

Comments

I kissed a penguin and I liked it

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:53:51 +0100

I rode the waves, then I rode your mum!

I'm a 30 second love machine

I'll laugh you into bed, then laugh you straight back out when I pull down my pants

I'm certainly not hot so I must be freaking cool

Fat people can't go skinny dipping FACT

This blog is longer than my penis

If boobs weren't supposed to be looked at, they wouldn't have been shoved out up front

Could I be anymore lamely idiotic right now

I'm coming after I stroke your pussy, should not be a rude statement

Comments

X-F**ktor

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 00:31:57 +0100

I watched X Factor tonight, keep it a secret though as I don't want to seem uncool haha!

Tonights show was the very example of why people criticise the show as nothing but pantomime. Tonight, without doubt, was down to a popularity contest and not a singing contest. Rachel cried so got votes and Daniel gets the nice guy votes and the Chris Moyles fan club votes of course! So Laura went! I guess she was in the bottom two because she is unpopular as its definately not that she is the worst singer. The stories in the paper, which revealed she was dating a 39 year old X Factor 'executive' has really gone against her I believe.

That shouldn't matter though, Brittney Spears still sells records despite a mixed personal life, the same goes for Michael Jackson doesn't it? At the end of the day she shouldn't have gone but Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh could and should have saved her but I firmly believe they voted tactically to protect their own acts. Simon Cowell wants Ruth so saved her, end of! Well probably not just for that reason but I don't like him!

Louis Walsh though, grrr he annoys the hell outta me! He is so out of touch its incredible and his constant cliches are getting more and more cringe worthy. He really sold out tonight though with his deciding vote. He loved every minute of it though and you could just tell he voted Laura off to help out JLS and yes that is understandable but that shouldn't be a reason for his vote, which it quite clearly was.

Well anyway, I won't see next weeks show as I'll be working late and I don't think I'll miss it too much. They'll probably get rid of Diana this time, lets get all the talent out! Obviously it helps that she is pretty but she is a very good and very different talent to what is already out there in the charts etc. I'll miss Laura, she was quite hot, even though she whore too much make up but I really did think she was an awesome singer.

When Diana goes though i'm just going to turn the sound down, kick back and enjoy watching Cheryl,every cloud....

Comments

ITV Catch Up is utter twoddle

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 11:42:25 +0100

ITV always let you down don't they! As I don't have Sky, I've really been enjoying the darts coverage on ITV4 but I missed last nights action as I was watching some football. I stupidly thought that the ITV Catch Up service would come to my aid, but I was sadly mistaken =(

They have thursdays action and the coverage from saturday afternoon but saturday night is a no show. Makes a bit of a mockery of the whole thing really. They need to work a lot harder on that service because it is way behind 4od and BBC iPlayer. SORT IT OUT ITV!! grrrr

Comments

Obama my horse blog

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 20:11:02 +0100

I've posted almost 30 blogs and mustered about 11 comments, thats pretty impressive isn't it!?!
Basically, if you're viewing in black and white, i'm red hot

It's obvious Barack Obama is going to win this election thingamajig, he's a man of the people isn't he you know. Whereas John McCain isn't, always got a chip on his shoulder.......

I made a video yesterday and posted it on myspace yesterday and youtube today, I've got 11 views combined! I'm beginning to think its me lucky number! It's nothing special but I clearly don't know how to get viewers/readers without whoring the hell out of everything like ermmmm type in "random quiet horse" and you'll get my vid on youtube.....you hooked???

Comments

PM priorities

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:43:21 +0100

It's awesome to see that Gordon Brown and Jack Straw have time to comment on the whole Russell Brand/Jonathan Ross/Andrew Sachs saga, not like there is anything else they should be doing or concentrating on is there.....

AND it obviously wasn't the cleverest thing to do but this Georgina woman (is that her name? can't be arsed to check) well she is so offended she is telling her story to the sun. In this little story she is talking about how things are awkward with her grandfather now! Shouldn't have to explain yourself to your grandfather about what you get upto she says!! Hang on now darlin, you belong to some group which goes somewhat along the line of Satanic Sluts do you not?? He must have been SOOOO proud before eh!?

Comments

Brittney is my sun

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 23:31:11 +0200

For my sins, I read the Sun newspaper, I think it's a good laugh. I studied media for 4 years so know some stuff of how newspapers work and why they write certain things to make a story etc

Well there was one on the Bizarre pages today and it was just ridiculous. It was about Brittney Spears and she was pulling some silly faces and looking like she was just having some fun. I thought she looked pretty actually and kind of hot for the first time in a long time

But because she pulled faces it was said that her face pulling reminded Gordon Smart (the Bizarre editor guy) of her head shaving days!

What a pile of bollocks! Is she not allowed to have fun now then? has to look serious all the time? No wonder she cracked up before, what a pleb!

Well that annoyed me today lol, I know I have too much time on my hands!

Links for that story are here

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article605880.ece?slideshowPopup=true&articleId=605880&nSlide=2

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/usa/article1761975.ece

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BLOCKED

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:21:14 +0200

I keep trying to force words out, to put something out there to make me noticed and get people to respond but as usual I can't find any right words

Comments

Your sex is on fire!

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 12:32:53 +0200

Yeah that's right, your sex is on fire babeh! oooh no, check that, that's the dinner I was preparing, you distracted me Just what is needed, a lusty woman and some firemen! Someone grab the camcorder and lets make some money eh!?

I freakin love that song though, I liked some of the Kings early stuff, I think because Caleb Followill mumbled the words so is like me, I'm damn awesome at mumbling, keeps me out of trouble!

As usual there wasn't really a point to this but really what better things are there to do at eight minutes past twelve on a friday night!?

Just a cardboard box update for anyone following that thrilling sub plot in the twisting tale that is my life. I say twisting, but I'd liken my life to a roman road! So yeah anyway, it's 8 down, 148 to go! (I think) Those bad boys are flying out the store!!

They say men have a one track mind but thats a load of.... SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX.... rubbish really, I don't find it distracts me and I can think of many other things generally proceeded by "lack of"

Not tooo sure that last thingy up there ^^^^ made too much sense but, when do I? People rarely make sense FACT!( this is not an actual fact, this is a craigy fact, which is just as good because i'm so facty fact fact fantastic)(please note i'm not actually fantastic)( and whats up with all the brackets!)

So yeah people don't make sense, certainly not to me! Like person A is like all ooooh yeah you're so good when actually its like hmmmm I better say that so they don't meltdown thinking they're pathetic. Then person B is like yep yep damn awesome that is (that being a person) but out of sight out of mind, then all of a sudden someone else is the bees knees innit! Simple message, say what you feckin mean alright. AND obviously this rule does not apply to me =D

PSYCOLOGIST TO AISLE 13 PLEASE!

Here is a scenario ---> woman says oh you never buy me anything, man buys flowers, woman wants to know why she got flowers, what the fuck you done? you cheating on me? -------what lesson have we learnt? No lesson is learnt of course because men never think APPARENTLY*** correction, men do think, with their WILLY!!! WOOOO I bought someone flowers once....what-a mistake-a to make-a!

You bored yet? Still reading? Stupid fucks! I'm only swearing for effect and does not apply to my sister or Kate as they say they read all my stuff anyway, you poor poor people, how do you cope with the suffering!?

Yo bitch I clicked my fingers, why ain't you at my feet???

You say I'm cheeky but how can we believe this crazy world, I mean for a start off why the hell you out the kitchen for woman?

The funny thing is I'm not actually sexist! Although you may have got that opinion somewhere along the line here! Can't think how =/ I'm all for women doing it for themselves and all that shizzle (think I just proved the one track mind theory though, had a rude thought =D) Lets reverse the roles and stereotypes shall we, chase me chase me, please damn well chase me!

It's like in chess, I'll never be black cos I just won't make the first move! (That is a nerdy joke so be happy if you don't understand that one!)

Jammalammabingbong

I want to send my canoe up your creek

Everything is an innuendo isn't it

I'll call it a night there I think

But I may leave you with one thought

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, where are transexuals from? (got to be a Uranus joke there somewhere)

Comments

Too unspecific for a title of specificness?

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 18:40:29 +0200

People are STRANGE

I don't really understand anyone

Understanding everyone would be boring

But not getting anyone?

That's crazy

Saying that

Anyone who understands me

Needs some sort of award

Because even I don't get me half the time

Probably why I contain myself in a spiral

The brightest spiral in the world

Doesn't stop it being lonely though does it

Comments

Complete twoddle

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 11:26:20 +0200

Why is it so hard to keep information safe? I wouldn't have thought it to be that hard but these people we put in charge of the databases seem to lack any ability to keep hold of anything. They post things through unsecure networks, they download files onto uncrypted storage devices, they leave their laptop on the train, in the pub or any other place they can damn well manage.

I want their job, i'd be freaking awesome because I can remember where I put stuff. AND I can compute to my brain that the files i'm in charge of are VERY VERY important and should never be out of my site!

Who leaves their laptop behind though? Yeah there must be the odd instance but surely you remember at some point. The people with the important files are just like hmmm I'm sure I came in with something, but I haven't got it now, what was it? sure it couldn't have been important...

Perhaps they should put their personal stash of porn on their too, then they wouldn't leave it behind would they!?!

Comments

The Heart

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 19:03:14 +0200

The heart, our biggest strength, yet our biggest weakness

discuss

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I am never upbeat haha

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 10:25:38 +0200

I have no idea what this is and to be quite honest I don't really care

It was my birthday this week, I was 22

Got the usual questions, like, so you going out to get drunk this weekend I suspect Craig?

Of course I say, well i'm not sure, no plans yet but i'm sure I will....

And then I just want to scream of course I'm fucking not you stupid idiot, when the fuck did I come across to you as someone approaching normal!?! I don't do normal stuff alright so go fuck off and ask conversational questions to someone who can give you interesting answers

Who do you think I'm going to go out with exactly? Have I mislead you into thinking I have these hoards of friends that I keep in a box to be brought out on such occasions?

I can't even put together a group of people to be "friends" with on facebook for christ sake!

If i'm really lucky it will coincide with my sisters charity work and she can invite me to the cinema, yeah that will do my self esteem no end of good

But other than that I'm bloody chipper mate, top of the fucking world!

Hands up who thinks I'm cool now

I feel so much better worse now

and I don't actually care what anyone thinks of it

when actually I care a hell of a lot and I'll laugh off this whole thing if anyone questions me on it, while striking my usual blushing and slightly sweat doused pose, but even if nothing is said my overwhelming paranoia will go to work on your behalf

I've survived my lonesome life for quite a while now so its all gravy baby

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I leave things on the train all the time

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 10:57:43 +0200

I was wondering, you know, if erm, you could possibly think about, hmmmm, how to put this, erm yeah if you could not ermmmm leave all my personal details on a god damn train!?!?!?!

Well I came on the train with a folder with all your details on but course I didn't take it off with me, that would just be silly wouldn't it!?!

What do you mean a train isn't a high security storage facility?

If only they'd put porn on the disk with the details I would never forget where I put it!

Its not my fault, the journey was SOOOOOOO long and I was all sleepy and dreamt of unicorns and so I couldn't wait to get home and pet mine

I thought my butler would carry it off the train for me

I'm just going to admit it, I hate this fucking country and all the silly fuckers in it so I left it on the train on bloody purpose HA!

I needed a wee wee, I was really desperate!!

What do you mean this was real peoples details? I thought we were still playing the sims!?!

Well we could have made the disks more secure but I was going to be late for that round of golf...

I went on the train and and and ....those commoners, were breathing near me and everything, I just had to get away

Big Brother was on and I forgot to sky plus it and my maid doesn't know how to set it, stupid bloody foreigners....

It was a slow news day so the Sun paid me to leave them there??

I'm just fucking stupid

Comments

I love my skin?

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 12:54:21 +0200

Shameless plug for my sisters website where you can buy cosmetics that are good for your skin. Sounds just awesome doesn't it now!?! I could look pretty and not be ruining my skin for life!!
Can I hear a woopa doopa loopa from the people

www.skinsafecosmetics.com

Comments

This is a test of strength

Sun, 11 May 2008 11:07:42 +0200

Hello whoever is reading this, having a good day? Its sunny here, isn't that just awesome!?! Right pleasentries over, lets get down to business shall we

Here are some links:

SURPRISE
OH MY GOD

Under no circumstance are you to click the links because if you do you'll regret it as whats on the other side is really boring and definately not amusing or in anyway interesting, so your job is to NOT click the links

So now we're at the end because you haven't clicked the links as I told you not to, it really isn't a good idea to click them ok, so now just post what you think or say hello, because thats really quite friendly isn't it

Comments

A game, a plane, an arse and a pregnant man walk into a bar...

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 00:58:27 +0100

Saddam Husseins record at live tv hangman is not too good, played one, lost one....

Terminal 5 opens....and then shuts....its a vicious circle isn't it. The urinals were not ready, does it really matter? Everyone knows we stand around for ages drinking cups of coffee and the like and then we go wee wee but still no matter what, we will need to go again as soon as we step on that plane. So lets just cut out the whole process and fit cathetas as standard. Walk through the metal detector and then through to the catheta fitting zone where you can pick out a style and size to suit your every desire.

"i'm a man and i'm having a baby" words only the governer of california could utter...or so we thought! A man, and I use that term in the loosest sense of the word, is pregnant. Its happening in America, could you adam and eve it hey, nothing controversial ever happens there usually.... So legally 'it' is male but lets face it legally I could be african american as long as i fill out one of their forms in the good ol US of A. My major issue is he has no balls. Now its fine to have testicles and then lose them in some devastating hedgetrimmer accident but never to have them?? no way sirreeee bob.

"on the accusation that you are a man.....i find you not guilty" when you can wake up with a stiffy every single morning, that makes you a man, when the girl you always fancied gives you a hug and you try and act cool while your ever growing friend tries to make first contact, that makes you a man etc etc etc etc you get the picture. So in conclusion ladies and gentlemen, there is no revelation, she is not a man, men do not have the problem of going "oooh my waters just broke...." they have the problem of having their beer belly get too large meaning its easier to just pee where you are then struggle to the toilet only to hit the seat. Amen!!!

The map of Britain is sometimes looked upon as a man sitting down. This makes East Anglia the arse of Britain..... and with 3 Makro stores in the region, thats a hell of a lot of shit being churned out, so if the shoe fits.....

Comments

This is life, love it

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 12:07:06 +0100

The tears were flowing, dripping onto his pristine white shirt and black and white striped tie. He released another deep breath as he tried to pull himself together, he didn't want to look a fool on his big day. He pulled out his hankerchief and thought about his gran who made it a christmas tradition to buy him a new one. He wiped his eyes before a blowing his nose quite loudly, or so he thought, yet no one turned to look.

His tears seemed like they spread to everyone, no one could hold in their emotions on this special day. He overheard his mother boast about how smart he looked today which raised a smile from his father, he always thought that his son followed in his footsteps. And that is true, and he'd never told his dad how much he loved him. He was going to marry the woman of his dreams just like his father had done all those years before and then raised him into the world.

That would be his one regret he thought as his beautiful, soon to be wife reached for his hand. As all the mourners walked past his coffin as he looked on from the back of the church his gaze moved to his mother. She was thanking the vicar and had always tried to make him take an interest in religion so she'd be very happy with him now. They walked hand in hand out of the church and into the sunset towards their heaven. They really would be getting married in the eyes of God.

Comments

Something or nothing

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 15:39:12 +0100

He lay there, not opening his eyes, knowing that the blinding light of the sun would just make things worse. The heat was unbearable but he just couldn't move. The shock of what had just occured was keeping him rooted to the spot as if all his limbs had weights attached to them. He tried calling out but no sound could be made and what would happen if someone did hear? Would he want that person to come to him? What if it was HER? The pain she'd already caused it was obvious that she would find him to finish the job. The pain in his chest worsened at that very thought but he knew he had to get away. He'd never seen it coming. That sudden attack, it wasn't like she came from behind to get him, she'd gone right up to his face, looked into his eyes and started it all. Started that process that left him...here...wherever here was.

It was time, he needed hope, he needed to see where he was. So he slowly opened his eyes, blinking heavily at the furiosity of the suns rays. Now adapted to the light he looked to his left and to his right but everything was a blur, he couldn't make anything out. He realised he couldn't hear anything either, was that the sea over there? It couldn't be he couldn't hear it, he couldn't smell it. He couldn't even feel what was beneath him. What had she done to him?

She'd ripped his heart out of course. He loved her with all his might yet she had thrown it back in his face and given her heart to another man. He was on a deserted island, deserted because he was alone. He could not see, hear, smell or touch because without a heart what else was there to be done. He was lost and alone and had nothing to live for. So as the waves engulfed him as the tide came in, he took one final breath and thought his last thought...I loved that girl and I will love no other.....

Comments

Unravelling like an onion

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 13:26:24 +0100

I started off with a blank canvas and although words now fill this space what is conveyed is still of the blankness. I try too hard to be funny. Its why I sit here now desperately seeking inspiration to pull a rabbit out the hat and have a funny moment smack me full throttle in the face. As the ability to make you laugh makes me feel much more worthwhile, gives me purpose in this world. My mind is a wondrous thing you know! A knack of taking any situation whether it be everyday things or the extraordinary and creating a negative spin on it. I preach positivity to my "friends" yet cannot escape the negativity when linking to myself. I am full of doubt tonight. Many reasons have caused this but to explain them to someone I know I will receive a sympathetic ear. But that is not what I want, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I just want someone to understand, how my mind works and how I am feeling and why I feel it. I want to be someones friend, thats all. Perhaps go round there house and just play computer games late into the night or mooch off and shoot some pool, catch a film sometime but basically just hang out. I want to be the close friend and not the casual one that you have a chat with because you work together or just happen to be online at the same time. I don't know if that is asking too much or perhaps I am just incapable of going out and achieving that goal as my self esteem is that low. People say go out and do something with people then and I appreciate what they are saying but if I found it that easy I would have done it already you know. I think the internet has confused me more. Don't get me wrong, it has helped in so many ways and helped show that I'm not a complete bore or ball of quietness but it has left me with many unanswered questions. I don't mean to cause offense when I say this but I do doubt people on here and their motives. I have such a low opinion of myself that I think people respond to certain stuff I say in a manner to make me feel better rather than them truly believing it. I really want to break away from it all but this is my life and some people I really want to talk to on here but others I want to forget. I have perhaps developed feelings for a few people I have met through myspace and as soon as it gets serious I panic. I haven't had relationships so don't know what to do or think. With Nikki I got carried away in the moment and it all went pear shaped when I woke up and realised she wasn't the person I perhaps thought she was or wanted her to be. And with Brittney now, I think she's an awesome girl but I knew that I had to step in early and say this can't go anywhere, at the end of the day I don't know enough about her and I have strange thoughts. Not being the most sexually experienced person, I get aroused rather easily, and i'm not talking about down there, I mean in my mind. I have thoughts of sexual things really easily and when someone reciprocates them as Brittney has done, I think it makes matters worse. So right here right now I make a vow to myself, to not get involved with anyone, to keep everything to friends and to not delve into these conversations where I know where it will lead – to dirty talk and fantasies. This makes it sound dirty and sordid but its just because I can't describe things very well. I don't think i'll ever meet anyone else off the net either as it puts thoughts above my station. That drunken kiss still haunts me. And perhaps because of that I feel slightly annoyed that she is pregnant and not told me or anything. I never expected the kiss and certainly wasn't expecting to suddenly declare love for me or anything like that but I thought we may have got closer as friends but alas we have fallen further apart and it upsets me. I guess this is what it is like in life though and I'm just learning differently and slightly later that everything changes and there is not much I can do about it. All I would like is to suddenly wake up and have a life and have friends and then get real lucky and find someone special who likes me for me and is only a stones throw away rather than being anywhere but here. I sense rocky times ahead as perhaps I explain some of these things to people but until then this is still what fills my head. Good night.

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Sunday...funday?

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 18:23:15 +0100

Sometimes I wonder why I bother, I think I can look at myself in the mirror and say hand on heart that who I am on the net is who I am, period. However more and more I am intended to doubt others and if they are putting on a facade for me. If everyone was just honest, things would go a lot smoother. I really need friends near me because I am spending way too much time on here. My life consists of work and the internet. How sad eh!?!

Although today I did go out. The 'middle child' Paula got engaged to her boyfriend Matt a little while back and today we all went off to his mum's house for a meal. Matt is a real cool guy and it seems so is his family. I hope they thought we were alright too but that is something I always worry about. So anyway it was a surprise for Paula and Matt and it worked really well as they had no idea! I am tres happy that my sister got back with Matt because she is a lot more open and relaxed when they have been together as opposed to her other boyfriends that she has had and she clicks with the rest of his family which is real good to see.

So today was the first time me and my parents had met my oldest sister's boyfriend. She has got through quite a few bless her but James seems alright from first impressions. Again, I wonder what he thought of us. Not sure I would have coped too well with meeting so many new people in one go but he did alright from where I was sitting. My parents are really pessimistic about Stacey's boyfriends as they think they put the curse on when they meet them so lets hope they are still together this time next week!!

All in all an alright day, back to work tomorrow though and a stretch of 10 days with just 1 day off....ouch!! Looking to book some time off real soon though as I'm not coping too well with work at the mo and its all getting on top of me. With Brendan leaving I don't really have anyone to talk to about it but I guess I'll struggle through.

Thanks for reading

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The Sun makes me happy

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 23:40:01 +0100

Soooo was reading The Sun this morning and they had a page with the favourite jokes of their coloumnists in an attempt to cheer up Britain from all the bad news it has got recently. So in my wisdom I decided to share some of them with you and make the internet community happier to. I hope you enjoy

Four guys were playing golf when a funeral cortege went slowly by on the road adjoining the course. One of the players took off his cap and stood solemly until the procession was out of sight. A fellow player said "That was very moving and respectful" "Its the least I could do" said his mate. "After all, we were married for 23 years" - Fergus Shanahan

A MAN being examined by the doctor is told: “Are you aware, Sir, that you have a piece of lettuce protruding from your behind?”

“I know,” says the geezer, “and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.” - Jon Gaunt

MAN goes to the chemists and says to the pharmacist: “Have you got any Viagra?”

The chemist enquires: “Do you have a prescription?”

The man replies: “No, but I’ve got a photo of the wife.” - Terry Venables

A HUSBAND and wife are shopping in their local Tesco and the husband picks up a crate of Stella and puts it in their trolley.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks his wife.

“They’re on offer, only a tenner for 12 cans,” he replies.

“Put them back, we can’t afford them,” demands his wife and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further along the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and puts it in the trolley.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband. “It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies his wife.

Her husband retorts: “So does 12 cans of Stella and it’s half the price.” - Emma Parker Bowles

A COUPLE were eating in a restaurant when the waitress notices the woman slide under the table as the man glances nonchalantly around.

“Excuse me sir,” says the waitress. “Your wife has just slid under the table.”

“No she hasn’t,” says the man. “She’s just walked in.” - Lorraine Kelly

Well they are some of the ones I found the funniest, you can read the rest here hopefully, not too sure how long they keep the page active though!!

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article715174.ece

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My dreams

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 22:39:52 +0100

Last night I had a dream. Was on the back row of a coach/bus. My dad was driving although I'm pretty certain he's not qualified. Anyway I had my oldest sister sitting to my left. My friend Kate was to my right, despite me never having met her. I presume she was there as I had spoken to her before bed!?! Then my other sister and her boyfriend were to the right of her. My mum was up the front near my dad but I remember no one else who was on the coach.

So yeah, I don't know where we were or where we were going but I do know it was raining really hard and it was dull and miserable. I had done or said something which meant no one was talking to me. Then my sister who was sitting to my left got up and went off the coach to go to the toilet as we had stopped at a service station.

She tried to get back on the coach through the back. There was doors on both sides. I opened the one on her side but she got in the other side so we all had to move up a seat. Then I tried to shut the door I opened but it wouldn't lock in place, so I just kept trying and trying and never made it. That is the last thing I remember.

What does all that mean? I am thinking it is a negative meaning.

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I am the wheel, you are my spokes

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 23:57:56 +0100

The title may be the best part of this, it makes it seem a lot deeper than it actually will .

So this is an update on my bike escapades. I wrote a lovely blog on my bike and drivers inability to coexist with it>>>go check it out

So on Monday I got a puncture about half way home which is about 10 I've had in about 2 years which is a hell of a lot for anyone who's interested. However for a change I actually found what made the hole. I had a mega two and a half inch nail protruding from my back wheel :O I still have it somewhere I think as a warped momento of the occasion.

Just on a side note, I was so annoyed walking my bike the rest of the way home. EVERYONE was staring at me like I was some sort of leper!! It is quite obvious that I wouldn't walk along with my bike without good reason, I'd actually ride it if I could you know!! Well that really put me on a downer anyway

Sooooo back to what I was saying, I got home and my dad and I, well mainly my dad patched up my tyre so I could ride to work the next morning. I wished he hadn't bothered though as it hammered it down with rain on Tuesday morning but I suppose you have to take the rough with the smooth

Now the only problem I have is my brakes don't work :O So my brake is now my feet until I get time at the weekend to tighten up the brakes. Combined with the wet weather made things a bit tricky so far this week but I've been practicing and know my foot braking zones now

Obviously if I never post another blog its because my judgement on foot braking wasn't as good as I thought.......

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Friday night analysis

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 22:00:13 +0100

What am I doing?

So as usual friday night and I'm on the net. I get myself into this place mentally where I want to be doing something but never actually get round to doing it. Beacause? I am too busy staring at my laptop, hoping that someone messages me or comments me. I have long since moved past the subject of why I do this. I now know I am weird.

Weird people don't know they're weird though do they?

Yeah they do just some can't admit it, I can but seemingingly can do little about it! I know full well I'll waste the rest of the night now, probably checking back here every 2 minutes to see if people have read this and if they dare comment. Not much people could say really though is there? I am rubbish at interactive blogs, no doubt!

How are you?

Pretty unhappy today. It was the start of a six day stretch of going to work Its not too bad overall but I'm not a fan of working weekends and at the moment we're not very busy. So I think work breeds my unhappyness. This is when I usually like to write though but when I try and write like this and not in poem form, nothing comes out right and it all comes out as gobbledeegook! There is no statement made, no story told and no conclusions drawn

So I just end it and wish you a happy weekend

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