Soooo was reading The Sun this morning and they had a page with the favourite jokes of their coloumnists in an attempt to cheer up Britain from all the bad news it has got recently. So in my wisdom I decided to share some of them with you and make the internet community happier to. I hope you enjoy

Four guys were playing golf when a funeral cortege went slowly by on the road adjoining the course. One of the players took off his cap and stood solemly until the procession was out of sight. A fellow player said "That was very moving and respectful" "Its the least I could do" said his mate. "After all, we were married for 23 years" - Fergus Shanahan

A MAN being examined by the doctor is told: “Are you aware, Sir, that you have a piece of lettuce protruding from your behind?”

“I know,” says the geezer, “and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.” - Jon Gaunt

MAN goes to the chemists and says to the pharmacist: “Have you got any Viagra?”

The man replies: “No, but I’ve got a photo of the wife.” - Terry Venables

A HUSBAND and wife are shopping in their local Tesco and the husband picks up a crate of Stella and puts it in their trolley.

Her husband retorts: “So does 12 cans of Stella and it’s half the price.” - Emma Parker Bowles

A COUPLE were eating in a restaurant when the waitress notices the woman slide under the table as the man glances nonchalantly around.

“No she hasn’t,” says the man. “She’s just walked in.” - Lorraine Kelly

Well they are some of the ones I found the funniest, you can read the rest here hopefully, not too sure how long they keep the page active though!!

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article715174.ece

Last night I had a dream. Was on the back row of a coach/bus. My dad was driving although I'm pretty certain he's not qualified. Anyway I had my oldest sister sitting to my left. My friend Kate was to my right, despite me never having met her. I presume she was there as I had spoken to her before bed!?! Then my other sister and her boyfriend were to the right of her. My mum was up the front near my dad but I remember no one else who was on the coach.

So yeah, I don't know where we were or where we were going but I do know it was raining really hard and it was dull and miserable. I had done or said something which meant no one was talking to me. Then my sister who was sitting to my left got up and went off the coach to go to the toilet as we had stopped at a service station.

She tried to get back on the coach through the back. There was doors on both sides. I opened the one on her side but she got in the other side so we all had to move up a seat. Then I tried to shut the door I opened but it wouldn't lock in place, so I just kept trying and trying and never made it. That is the last thing I remember.

What does all that mean? I am thinking it is a negative meaning.

The title may be the best part of this, it makes it seem a lot deeper than it actually will.

So this is an update on my bike escapades. I wrote a lovely blog on my bike and drivers inability to coexist with it>>>go check it out

So on Monday I got a puncture about half way home which is about 10 I've had in about 2 years which is a hell of a lot for anyone who's interested. However for a change I actually found what made the hole. I had a mega two and a half inch nail protruding from my back wheel :O I still have it somewhere I think as a warped momento of the occasion.

Just on a side note, I was so annoyed walking my bike the rest of the way home. EVERYONE was staring at me like I was some sort of leper!! It is quite obvious that I wouldn't walk along with my bike without good reason, I'd actually ride it if I could you know!! Well that really put me on a downer anyway

Sooooo back to what I was saying, I got home and my dad and I, well mainly my dad patched up my tyre so I could ride to work the next morning. I wished he hadn't bothered though as it hammered it down with rain on Tuesday morning but I suppose you have to take the rough with the smooth

Now the only problem I have is my brakes don't work :O So my brake is now my feet until I get time at the weekend to tighten up the brakes. Combined with the wet weather made things a bit tricky so far this week but I've been practicing and know my foot braking zones now

Obviously if I never post another blog its because my judgement on foot braking wasn't as good as I thought.......

What am I doing?

So as usual friday night and I'm on the net. I get myself into this place mentally where I want to be doing something but never actually get round to doing it. Beacause? I am too busy staring at my laptop, hoping that someone messages me or comments me. I have long since moved past the subject of why I do this. I now know I am weird.

Weird people don't know they're weird though do they?

Yeah they do just some can't admit it, I can but seemingingly can do little about it! I know full well I'll waste the rest of the night now, probably checking back here every 2 minutes to see if people have read this and if they dare comment. Not much people could say really though is there? I am rubbish at interactive blogs, no doubt!

How are you?

Pretty unhappy today. It was the start of a six day stretch of going to work Its not too bad overall but I'm not a fan of working weekends and at the moment we're not very busy. So I think work breeds my unhappyness. This is when I usually like to write though but when I try and write like this and not in poem form, nothing comes out right and it all comes out as gobbledeegook! There is no statement made, no story told and no conclusions drawn

So I just end it and wish you a happy weekend

A couple of years ago I went over the handlebars of my bicycle going up a freakin drop curb!!! I mean only I could do that, was extremely embarrassing to say the least. Not only did I smash the front wheel to smithereeeeeeeens and cut my knee open(resulting in a scar) but I ruined my favourite pair of trousers at the time!!! Was devastated, they were so cool (cool to a non cool entity like myself anyway) as you could unzip them and make em into shorts!!

So anyway I told you that little tale from my past as I had such a poop journey home today. I left off at half 5 so by this time its already proper dark so I have to have my lights on of course. Sooooo I'm coming through the industrial estate and there is literally lorrys everywhere!! all with their hazards going and their engines running. So there's little ol me cycling through thinking that someone is going to do something stupid in a minute and pull out of somewhere.

And as if on cue, some prat pulls out as I am trying to go past him. The side view mirror is for looking out of not to check your fat boy trucker face!! Needless to say I gave a look into his mirror which wouldn't be lost in translation even into dumbassville dialect. I don't usually let anything like that to get to me but it was so annoying as they'd soon complain if I rode along the path getting in the way!

On the otherhand you get these other people who are either shit scared of my frightening yellow bike or are allergic!! I mean I'm only a bike and I travel in a straight line at a steady speed as I don't have a damn accelerator pedal you know!! So damn well overtake me instead of trailing behind me for five minutes when there is clearly masses of room to move past me, i'm not a fat boy with a side car alright!!

Finally as I am a bike and not as fast a car, I am on the left hand side of the road in the cycle lane mostly, the only good part of the journey that is! So its all fine until the cycle route ends as there's a left hand turn. I don't want to go left.....the car does, awesome!! They speed up and get just in front of me and then slow down and turn in!!!! I'm thinking, well I don't want to go left so carry on my merry way ahaaaaa meaning they have to abort the turn and speed off thoroughly embarrassed before taking the next left. A victory for the little man to end the day

Taken in its original form from my myspace blog, posted here in my safe haven

First off all, a little apology told someone I couldn't talk as I was going to bed but then had this sudden urge to type, so sorry

This blog is not being advertised its just here so in a way i'm hoping its not read which is a bit daft really as I am publishing it, nevermind though 'daft' is a popular word to describe me

So anyway, I pride myself in a freaky sort of way on NO ONE really knowing me. I think if you ask people who have come across me, they'd all describe me in very different ways. As I write this i'm doubting myself now, hoping that it doesn't translate into something like I act differently to different people in a negative type of way like being two faced.

I would hate for anyone to think that, I think there is very much sides to me but I hope that just makes me a better person, perhaps more worldly? I can adapt to you and make you more comfortable being around me maybe? My name at the moment is enigmatic which is apt, hence why I chose it but I think it over states who I am, i'm not that special so enigma is too strong a description.

As usual I digress, I have lost the point already grrr. Ermmm yeah negativity. I sell it by the bucketloads. I can insult myself better than anyone else I reckon. However, this is where the problems start. If people think negatively of me, BOOM I can't handle it and I divert off into a particularly negative shift of emotions. So you think ok, I'll say something nice about the ol Craig. Oh no you don't, I can't accept that either. You say anything nice and I won't believe you mean it, i'll just think you're being kind. This scenario occurred just yesterday infact!

I have concluded at just this moment that I am quite needy. I need interaction but more often that not shy away from it completely. I do that because of the risk of people suddenly thinking oooh I don't like that or I don't like that sort. I know I am different yet I yearn to be accepted. Which means I'll probably never feel truely comfortable.

I once felt comfortable, perhaps the only time in my life. Here will come now as a warning a very frank piece of writing by myself which could and should lead to major embarassment on my part and a complete enquiry into why I actually wrote it.

I've only ever had one girlfriend. Gasp!! And release the breath readers. It lasted about 3 months I reckon and ended early in March of 2005, since which time I have been unhappily single? i'll narrow it down to just single as I don't want to be overly negative, its just not like me (sarcasm)

Her name is/was Sam, to me she was the most beautiful person in the world and not just looks wise, her heart was big and always open. Too open probably as she'd been treated badly before. At the end of the day I'm a nice guy, that isn't no act, so I treated her with the respect she deserved, she was everything to me. She ended it though, we lived too far apart to see each other enough apparently, I never agreed and will always torture myself for not fighting hard enough to change her mind and not making as much effort as perhaps I could have, to go and see her, I always believe I come up short.

So this was hard to get over, we had never even had a fight so it was extra hard to take I think. But anyway she made me feel like no one else. I could be 100% me and not have to worry if I looked stupid or idiotic or downright retarded. She wanted me not the me in my mind that I thought I had to be to fit in.

Obviously you can read between the lines and draw your own conclusions by the circumstances I was/am in by my first statement surrounding one girlfriend. To clarify it, I don't do one night stands....now join the dots. Following on from that attempted cryptic message as I can't actually bring myself to type specifics comes this. Wherever we were, whatever we were doing, I felt comfortable, doing many firsts and attempting many firsts, my embarrassment levels were extremely low. That was all down to her and how she made me feel.

I don't know if I loved her, how can I tell? I don't know what love is, I don't think thats to over dramatic, its the truth. The worst thing is I still think about her, way too much I know. My big sister was big mates with her beforehand, they don't talk anymore. I managed an email to my sister about how I felt not long after the break up but I think she'd be devastated to know I still have the same issues!

To summarise that, I haven't felt comfortable since. Sometimes people will go like what type of girl do you like and I can't answer because I can only imagine the looks if I said, someone who makes me feel comfortable, someone who lets me be me. Thats just not a manly thing to say is it. I'm not going to lie and say I don't care about what a potential girlfriend looks like, physical attraction has to be there in some light for everyone, but what really matters is who she is not how big her boobs are or if she looks like a model or not.

I could go on for much longer about me in the real world and how it makes me feel. Another time perhaps as this is too long already.

The amusing thing is I was angry at the start of this blog. Angry at someone who I thought I knew, who doesn't talk to me anymore, no explanation just blankness, I got fed up of making the effort. That emotion has certainly evolved hasn't it!?! Evolved into whatever this has become.

Strangely I feel much better, I wonder how I'll feel in the morning though? It may well be a why did I do that moment! And as a side note, I will probably direct people to the blog, contrary to my earlier statement, but here is fingers crossed that I come up with the will power to not led people to this but to just let them find it, find it if its meant to be

Everytime I turn around you're not there

I can't see you anywhere

I'm lost, I want to be found

But when I try and make the words to tell you

What comes out of my mouth?

Not a sound

Not to make anyone feel bad

Just explaining the network inside my head

Leading to just one certain point

I am unhappy, I am sad

Don't worry, I know what to do

Get out the brush, get out the paint

Cover the cracks

Just like you do too

Reet this is from a yahoo news thingy that I saw ok:

People will be having sex with robots by 2050, an artificial intelligence expert has predicted.

Mr Levy's book is due to be published in the UK in April by Duckworth

Now I have to say, being the immature little tyke that I am, this has amused me greatly. Mainly because of the fact that as soon as I hear robot, I'm immediately thinking along the lines of a C3PO type thing you know. Or even one of those robots you see in Japan who "dance" and "cook" and stuff. I for one wouldn't want to be putting my little mate in any holes in them!?!

Alarmingly I fear that I may be one of these socially inept people who have to buy one though, to you know "satisfy the urges" So I am now turning this into a shameless advert for someone to come and sex me, to stop this bad bad sexing with robots type thing that may occur in 2050!

Just before you run off shouting what the hell you loon, or words to that effect, and worse I imagine, I was only joking.....

So anyway back to robots I think this is quite a scary thing. I can imagine it now, no I can't come out and see you tonight I am sexing the robot I bought, he lasts a lot longer, infact we're finished as he doesn't want to watch football all the time either!?!

Or another scenario being like ooh whats this, your divorce papers hey!?! hmmmm reason for divorce...... he became obssessed with maggie our live in robot! okkkk then!!

You just know that people will do it though, I'd rather not, its really a case of hmmmm I really have sunk to a new low haven't I.... It's not real, its not going to be loving is it!?! Perhaps though, this is a sign of not just changing times but changing in people, where perhaps sex and stuff isn't all about loving its more a need for sex so a robot would suit that need...just really freaks me out though but i'm a little wimpy woo woo anyway weeeeeeee

Your thoughts????